Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Working Mom vs. Stay at Home Mom

 It breaks my heart to hear all the controversy about being a working mom or being a stay at home mom.  The hateful and unsolicited advice that comes from people makes my stomach turn.  I've heard so many strong opinions on both sides.  They say that if you work you don't love your kids as much as moms who stay home. If you are a stay home mom you're "lazy."  Some say they would never stay home and depend on a man and the one that tickles me the most is when people say it must be nice to just sit at home all day.  Then comes the advice "you know that's not a good idea what if your husband leaves you", or  "you know it's not that hard to just quit"  I could on and on for days with the comments.  Listen, coming from a mom that has been on both sides of the fence I've heard it all.  People can and will have something to say no matter which one you do.  I mean really is it that bad if a mom decides to work?  Is a mom who stays home and allow her husband to provide for the family worthless?   Is being a working mom better than being a stay at home mom?  We are going to talk about all of that and then some.  I would love to share my experience with being a working mom and being a stay at home mom with you and encourage you.

*Disclaimer: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. That just means if you click on them and purchase something I will make a small commission from it with no additional charge to you. 

Here's a little background history for you.  I grew up watching my mama work and I started working when I was about 13 years old.  I worked, went to school, and helped my mama out when I could.  When my husband and I dated he voiced a time or two that he preferred me not work.  I thought he was crazy and was like, "Yea whatever."  Growing up his mom did not work, she was a stay at home mom, so we had two totally different viewpoints on the matter.  You see I was one of those people that I was just telling you about.  The one who said I wasn't depending on no man to take care of me.  My husband kept quite about the topic and life went on. I continued to work in between the births of my kids and after my youngest was born I even went to school to become a Certified Medical Assistant.  I landed an amazing job right before I graduated and was making more money than I had ever made.  I was loving it and THOUGHT we were living the dream life!  What more could we need?  We were married by now, we had children, a place to live, two cars, we weren't just married we actually loved each other.  So, seriously what more did we need?  Let's take a look at how a typical day went for our home.  Wake up, my husband left for work before the kids were woke, everyone scramble to get dress and do all the morning necessities, maybe have time to grab a quick bite to eat if not the kids would eat at school and we would eat at work, I would put some meat in my ole' faithful crockpot or the refridgerator to thaw out for dinner that night (this was not all the time),  I took all the kids to school except for my youngest he went to my granny's house, my husband picked the kids up from school and would put on whatever sides I had out to go with the meat for dinner or if I had not put out anything he would text me to bring something home on my way in from work, I sat in traffice for an hour and a half on my way home from work, got home, ate, helped the kids with homework, listen to how everyone's day went as I washed dishes and cleaned the kitchen, then we all had to get ready for bed, and the process started over again.  I did not get to spend a lot of time with kids, it was hard to truly enjoy listening to my kids and my husband talk about their day because all I could think about was taking a shower and going to bed, I was exhausted!   Eventually, my husband and I had the conversation again, about me staying home.  I was beginning to see things his way but feared not having... wait for it.... material things. 

 I finally obeyed and my day now goes like this more or less.

I wake up when my husband wakes up and I  make my him breakfast before he goes to work (I don't do this every morning but I do see him off every morning),  read my bible and prepare for the day, wake the kids up, we eat breakfast together sometimes we listen to a story as we eat, we talk, or I will read to them, we then do our morning chores, I teach and/or help them with their school work (they are homeschooled now), we eat lunch together, we cuddle and talk, play outside, hang with friends somedays, do our evening chores, the girls help me with dinner, we all greet my husband with joy when he comes in from work, we eat dinner together and share our day with my husband and him with us, my husband and I spend time together and I'm not too tired to enjoy it!

I truly enjoy being a stay at home mom more than I could have ever imagined.  It allows me to spend quality time with my kids, fully help my husband with anything he needs, I'm not as stressed as I was when I was working so I am more of a joy to be around now than I was when I was working.  Being at home makes my house feel more like a home because we can feel the love in it when I was working it felt more like a safe, functional shelter we just came and went. 
I regret not making the decision, to be home, sooner because I missed out on so much of my husband and children's  life and just the peace of life.  I didn't have time to just enjoy the moment I was always on the go.

As a working mom, I faced several struggles. 
When my kids were sick I had to call in from work and if I couldn't call in I had to figure out who would watch them.  The whole time I was at work I was worried about them and the whole time I was home I was thinking about all the work that would be waiting for me when I returned. So I was never fully focused on one situation.  I was so stressed out mainly because I was being pulled in so many different directions.  I was expected to perform at a certain level at work no matter what was going on in my personal life.  Even though I worked I still had responsibilities at home that needed to be fulfilled.  My children and my husband needed me, I would feel bad when I wasn't able to complete a certain task and it just stressed me out.  People would say things like,  the Lord won't put more on you than you can handle so you can do this!  However, they forget to mention we can put more on ourselves than we can handle.  You see, He said His yoke is easy and His burden is light.  However, my burden was heavy because I decided to keep adding to it.

Listen, ladies, we have to stop being so hard on one another, stop putting each other down, stop thinking we are better than one another all based on our decision to work or stay at home.  The world around us is cruel enough so support and love your fellow moms, help encourage them in their time of need, lend a helping hand, and most of all let's pray for one another.  With that being said if you decide to be a working mom it doesn't make you more or less than a stay at home mom.  If you stay at home it does not mean you are worthless or that you are not as good as a mom that works.   You and your husband have to decide what is best for you and your family at that time.  "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Prov. 3:5
I loved my kids when I worked and I love them while I am at home (they may work my nerves a little more. I'm just kidding)
We have to uplift on another we never know what the next person is going through or what their heart desires so before you pass on that unwanted advice think first, would I want someone saying this to me?  The Lord tells us in Eph. 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of our mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
I love you all and from one mama to the next just know your work is not in vain!  As always thanks for reading and I hope you received something good from it.   Go be a blessing to someone.

The Crockpot that saved dinner when I was working

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  1. I think both situations are tough. There are sacrifices and good points to both and it’s not fair to compare. Life is different when you’re a mom!

  2. I am presently a half and half- part time work part time at home Mom. My kids are now all in school but morning time and evening are precious. I want to eat up all their time before they leave my nest. We live in a two bed room town home to afford this life style -I love the reduced living because I get to hug my boys morning and night.

  3. I am a mom who works outside the home and homeschools so yeah, the hateful comments are plentiful! Good for you that you are able to stay home! I pray everyday for God to show us the way for us to afford for me to stay home.

  4. I work away from home. I used to work at home but for some changes I have decided to work away from home. I hope one day I’ll be able to work at home again.

  5. Great points! Thanks for sharing your testimony of how God is working in your family, and you are right about how we should not judge one another. We each need to listen to what the Holy Spirit is telling us for our family and not try to be the Holy Spirit ourselves for someone else.

  6. Yes, we all need to build each other up with love. All of our situations are different. As long as we are pleasing God, rather than ourselves, that is the main thing.

  7. it's so true, we really DO need to stop picking at each other and just support and encourage each other to follow after God.

  8. Amen! We can't judge one another. That time you're spending with your children is so precious. Thanks for your insights in this post. Bless you!

  9. I just started my blog, HomeWorkin Mama where I will share my experiences as a WFH Mom, first time mom, etc. I am also going to homeschool my daughter and share information I learn and use for that! Please check it out!

  10. I just started my blog, HomeWorkin Mama where I will share my experiences as a WFH Mom, first time mom, etc. I am also going to homeschool my daughter and share information I learn and use for that! Please check it out!

  11. I just started my blog, HomeWorkin Mama where I will share my experiences as a WFH Mom, first time mom, etc. I am also going to homeschool my daughter and share information I learn and use for that! Please check it out!